When husband is in love with another woman

When your husband is in love with another woman, it is really heart breaking to know. But a word of caution! I have always asked two questions to women who complain about their husband’s extramarital affairs. “How did they come to know about it?” is the first one among those. First of all, it is very important to check the validity of the information by yourself. I have seen false information and misunderstandings break some very beautiful relations. So before taking any emotional action, please ask these two important questions to yourself, like

1. How did you know about this extramarital relationship?

Who told you this? Is the person gave you this information is reliable? Trusted? If the person is reliable, try to get some evidences. Validate things by yourself. Take all the information but only believe things by YOURSELF.

2. Are you sure your evidences REALLY prove an affair?

May be they are just good friends. But thankfully lovers do many “things” together that friends don’t. Look for the signs.

If you are positive about the existence of an extramarital affair please don’t panic. I know it is a very sad situation as it questions many of the fundamental equations of a relationship, but an outburst will not help. Know that you have your emotional rights as a wife and a mother. Use them properly to wing back the situation.

1. First talk to your husband. Tell him that you know what is going on. If he denies it, as many will, tell him firmly that you love him and wish to help him out of this weird situation and to do that you need his help. Make him understand that you are very sad because of his affair and cannot tolerate it, but can forgive and forget- only if he cooperates with you.

2. If that does not help, talk to his new found girlfriend. I have seen women already carry guilt while in relation with a married man, and nobody likes a confrontation with a wife and a mother. Tell her not to break your family and you need her help in bringing him back to you.

Many times you have to take these steps simultaneously. Use your judgment and BE FIRM. But also analyze your relationship with your husband. Is anything missing from your part? Are you doing your duties satisfyingly as a wife and a lover? It would be helpful if you are critical about your own attitudes and contributions, as a bad wife or lover is the best known catalyst promoting an extramarital affair.

When your Boyfriend avoids your love

I think it is worthwhile to remind ourselves once in a while that love is a chemical reaction happening in the brain. What you feel for your boyfriend or you for him, which is divinely called as love by some, if not kept alive by trust, sharing and passion will fade in time. It is a fact that due to many reasons love affairs fail, relationships break and people go different ways.

Love is a connection. It is a connection that strengthens with consideration and responses after the initial attraction. But for many, attraction dies after a while. It is not personal, so don’t take it personal. Your boyfriend shows alienation because he wants to move away. Accept it. You cannot buy love with tears or accusations.

All relations are not meant to be long lasting; even some good ones will/should break. It is not how great you think your relationship is that counts, but are you both compatible together or not. If not, even good relationships fail.

When a relationship ends or when he is drifting away from you, don’t try to get answers. There are no answers for many “hearty” questions. You will circle in a loop. Take your time, it’s hard, all women know it. But come back soon.

As I said earlier, don’t take it personal. Know that even Marilyn Monroe was ditched/ rejected thrice.

Why does my husband/boyfriend watch porn?

Calculus sucks, tortoises live long and men watch porn. These are universal truths. If your boyfriend/husband is young, chances are there that he will watch it more often. It is better that women adjust to it, rather than trying to change that. Many women I know do not care about this anymore, as they know it is not because boyfriends don’t lust them, it is only because men just want to have some more stimuli. Men want to ogle at feminine body. That’s all. Don’t take it personally. He still loves you and gets excited by you. You still make his world. By watching porn, he is just taking an outside help to color this world. Period.

Falling in love with a married man

Falling in love with a married/committed man is the greatest risk a woman/girl can take in her personal life. Thankfully all women know it by instinct, but not surprisingly many fall for it. It would be helpful to consider these points given before you take a giant but irreversible leap.

1. Is he a committed husband to someone, but accidentally, by situation became your lover?

This is a dead end. He will sure go back to his wife. Help him to do so. Control your emotions and ease his burden. Otherwise one day, you will be in such a messy situation that you won’t even recognize yourself.

2. He is a husband, but he is going to divorce soon.

Are you sure? All men say that and only around 7% does. So it is safe to continue relation only after his divorce. It’s not about you don’t believe in him, it all about saving your life. And is he divorcing her only because you came into his life? Beware; tomorrow the same will happen to you as someone else comes into his life.

3. We won’t marry, we will remain as lovers without our partners knowing it.

My personal opinion is that affairs and corpses cannot be hidden for a long time. Ask a policeman, I am sure he will agree with me. Even if you are successful in hiding it, you will be always tensed and sad in this relationship. And believe me, in the end, more fingers will be pointed at you than at him.

A relationship exists because of mutual trust, truthfulness and commitment. In these kinds of extramarital affairs you won’t get any of these. If you are attracted to a married man, avoid even talking to him. Give yourself some time. I promise it will go away.

And one more word, if you are a teenager, the risks are too high. JUST BEWARE!

Love letters from boyfriend

Letters are eternal memories. I still have a box full of letters from my past. Sometimes I read it and find how things were different then. All the things we friends used to share and talk about seem so far and out now. But to keep love letters from an ex boyfriend is a very different thing. I don’t think keeping old love letters is a healthy habit. It tells you only about what you felt at a particular period of time about a particular person. And now as time has moved forward, you should move forward. Old love letters are pegs on the memory door which don’t allow us to close it, keeping it unhealthily open.

I am not saying that you should not have good old memories, for they make us feel alive and human. But keep them in your memories only, not in print. That way, you can feel them more sweeter.

To have children or not…

To have or not to have children? Certain things in life cannot be measured. I know some couple who have previously decided not to have children, now feeling very sorry. At a point of time, almost all couples think they should not be having kids, for various reasons. Thank God! Some later changed their mind, some got children accidentally. But believe me, without kids you miss a lot of things in life.

It is no guarantee that they won’t break our hearts. They might choose partners we don’t like, buy a house where we can’t go and do many other things we cant accept. But kids are kids, and always remember we also did these same things.

When you are old, believe me, you will be happy that you had children. You will be glad that you are leaving things to them, taught them all that you know and while your poor heart finally gives it up, you can be happy that you did your part well.

Phone sex with my boyfriend

Is phone sex/cyber sex with my boyfriend ok? Phone sex was around for a long time but cyber sex is a new entry. Mostly teenagers ask me these phone sex questions, but lately, not surprisingly, adults are also inquisitive. Advances in technology have made these things more possible and easy, as mobile phones taking the place of cumbersome land phones, offering greater privacy and…you know what!

Anything that helps two people to advance their relationship is acceptable. Like going to a park together, doing shopping together, laughing together, going to a funeral together, etc. What all they should do together or not is a mere personal decision. Only thing is that, these things should help in building up the intimacy and strengthen commitment. Like that if both of you like to have phone sex/ cyber sex, then it is ok as far as both of you don’t feel anything bad about it.

But a word of caution about phone sex. Sometimes men emotionally feel detached for a while after having phone sex/ cyber sex. When he puts down the phone suddenly after having sex, don’t feel dejected. Men are like that. And in some cases, men might take you for granted if you do this together, he might look down at you. Hope you are getting what I am trying to convey! Emotional and mental maturity of the man matters here much.

And please don’t feel sad after doing it. There is nothing wrong if both of you have enough maturity and mutual trust. After all, it is your life, your love and your man!

Can I date a guy younger to me?

Can I date a guy younger to me? Why not? You Can. But if the question is about what you want from that relation, I think we have to talk a bit.

Let us start from men’s point of view. Men know only three categories of elder women, mothers, aunties and elder sisters. As you can see, partners or girlfriends don’t come in this list. Men expect their girlfriends to be younger than them. But don’t worry, things always don’t go as they expect, do they?

Know that nature intends man to be attracted to you, so that species can move on. This attraction starts physically, your looks, your youthfulness. Younger you are, more prone you are to their attention. This is the law of nature. But thankfully there is something in nature, which does not follow its law. It is called love. You looks, your age don’t matter if he is really in love with you. If the man you love cannot give you an offspring because of his fertility problems, will you leave him for another man following the postulates of Charles Darwin so that species can go on? Love is against the forces of natural selection and evolution. If it was not, civilization might have disappeared by now.

So you can date a guy younger to you, provided he is serious about the relation. If he wants to flirt, have sex and then move on, believe me later you might feel like a used tissue paper. (Not as long as you too want to flirt, have sex and move on! . It is you to judge him. Tell him that he should be aware that your attractiveness will fade, and you would age fast.

But before you go further, ponder upon these questions.

1. Do you realize the social pressures/ stigmas attached while getting committed to a younger guy?
2. If you have children already, will they approve/understand?
3. Are you sure you are not just infatuated?
4. Do you know as age gap increases between you two, differences go up exponentially?
5. Will you be able to do your duties as a wife? In bed?
6. And above all, does it worth all this?

For people that are truly in love, differences don’t matter. But it is very personal and only you can judge.

Now I will give my personal opinion. Frankly, go for this kind of relations only if you feel it’s worth it. And please be cautioned as age gap increases. It will take lot of your emotional energy to sustain this kind of relationship. And for the man involved, he has to be very matured emotionally. If you want to flirt and go, it’s the best. But if you want to be committed, please be cautioned! But as I always said, it’s up to you to decide.

Love at first sight

Love at first sight? Am skeptical. May be you meant attraction at first sight. Attraction happens first, love follows. Love is a slow process, but attraction is instantaneous. It is said that we have an ideal picture about our partner in our minds. When we see that person, attraction happens. But you can see only his physical body, physical self. It takes a long time for you to understand him personally. In that way, if you are attracted towards a man at first sight itself, chances are that he resembles your ideal physical projection. Blue eyes, brown hair, witty, hairy, dark, white, etc.

In a way you are lucky. Your physical ideal is met. But now is the greatest task. Looks won’t last, neither do sympathy. Don’t jump over him. Take your time. KNOW HIM! But doing that is in itself a great task.

Shall I leave my boyfriend?

Shall I leave my boyfriend? Almost 4 years ago one of my cousins asked me this “boyfriend” question. She was in her college, could make her own decisions regarding love as she was already 23 at that time. I was far away from home and on a Saturday night I’ve called her. She said she has already broken that relationship. Although it was over, she was not feeling ok. Sad and desperate, she failed in her semester exams and was on the verge of being a drop out. Thankfully, she bounced back soon.

It seems it was a better decision for her to leave her boyfriend. She found the initial sparks missing. So if you are planning to leave your boyfriend, consider these points. You can take a decision according to your answers.

1. Leave your boyfriend if you don’t miss him anymore like you used to do.

This does not mean that you don’t love him. This feeling usually accompanies after the initial period of falling in love. It may mean your relationship has grown into another level, more matured one, where you know he is always there. You have crossed the initial attraction phase and moved into a long term relationship phase. So don’t worry about these types of feelings.

But a word of caution! Not missing him can also be a part of not being interested in him too. If you don’t miss him, weigh it with other points we are going to discuss below. Together, they will help you decide.

2. Leave your boyfriend if your arguments are long lasting and they recur very often.

After the initial thrill is gone, the facts slowly move in. It’s healthy to argue as no two persons can agree on everything. But it is unhealthy when it happens often and lasts long. If your arguments dominate your meetings, then the chances are strong that the relationship will not last long.

3. Leave your boyfriend if you argue over the phone very often

My experience with people suggests that arguing over the phone many times indicate a dead end. You both will feel tired about it and always think not to fight, but as when you are on the phone, it automatically happens.

4. Leave your boyfriend if he is making you spiritually dull

You know what I mean. A relationship should help both of you grow together, emotionally, physically and spiritually. If you feel like he is hindering any of these growth, its time you think about options.

5. Leave your boyfriend if you think he has only sex in his mind.

Men are more sexually active. All women know it. Some men have a bit more drive than others, which is normal. But if you think your boyfriend is after you only for sex, just RUN away. Hope you are getting what I mean. Otherwise you will end up an emotional wreck.

6. Leave your boyfriend if he is cheating on you.

Do I have to tell you more? Give him another chance if you want to, but be respectful of your emotions. Tell him straight. Love forgives, but thy shall not experiment with love.

Please know that people love like a sine wave, up and down, periodically. Our intimate intensities won’t be always same. So think clearly. Ask your heart. It may not be easy. But if you don’t do it now, it will be too long.

My best wishes.