When husband is in love with another woman

When your husband is in love with another woman, it is really heart breaking to know. But a word of caution! I have always asked two questions to women who complain about their husband’s extramarital affairs. “How did they come to know about it?” is the first one among those. First of all, it is very important to check the validity of the information by yourself. I have seen false information and misunderstandings break some very beautiful relations. So before taking any emotional action, please ask these two important questions to yourself, like

1. How did you know about this extramarital relationship?

Who told you this? Is the person gave you this information is reliable? Trusted? If the person is reliable, try to get some evidences. Validate things by yourself. Take all the information but only believe things by YOURSELF.

2. Are you sure your evidences REALLY prove an affair?

May be they are just good friends. But thankfully lovers do many “things” together that friends don’t. Look for the signs.

If you are positive about the existence of an extramarital affair please don’t panic. I know it is a very sad situation as it questions many of the fundamental equations of a relationship, but an outburst will not help. Know that you have your emotional rights as a wife and a mother. Use them properly to wing back the situation.

1. First talk to your husband. Tell him that you know what is going on. If he denies it, as many will, tell him firmly that you love him and wish to help him out of this weird situation and to do that you need his help. Make him understand that you are very sad because of his affair and cannot tolerate it, but can forgive and forget- only if he cooperates with you.

2. If that does not help, talk to his new found girlfriend. I have seen women already carry guilt while in relation with a married man, and nobody likes a confrontation with a wife and a mother. Tell her not to break your family and you need her help in bringing him back to you.

Many times you have to take these steps simultaneously. Use your judgment and BE FIRM. But also analyze your relationship with your husband. Is anything missing from your part? Are you doing your duties satisfyingly as a wife and a lover? It would be helpful if you are critical about your own attitudes and contributions, as a bad wife or lover is the best known catalyst promoting an extramarital affair.

Why does my husband/boyfriend watch porn?

Calculus sucks, tortoises live long and men watch porn. These are universal truths. If your boyfriend/husband is young, chances are there that he will watch it more often. It is better that women adjust to it, rather than trying to change that. Many women I know do not care about this anymore, as they know it is not because boyfriends don’t lust them, it is only because men just want to have some more stimuli. Men want to ogle at feminine body. That’s all. Don’t take it personally. He still loves you and gets excited by you. You still make his world. By watching porn, he is just taking an outside help to color this world. Period.

To have children or not…

To have or not to have children? Certain things in life cannot be measured. I know some couple who have previously decided not to have children, now feeling very sorry. At a point of time, almost all couples think they should not be having kids, for various reasons. Thank God! Some later changed their mind, some got children accidentally. But believe me, without kids you miss a lot of things in life.

It is no guarantee that they won’t break our hearts. They might choose partners we don’t like, buy a house where we can’t go and do many other things we cant accept. But kids are kids, and always remember we also did these same things.

When you are old, believe me, you will be happy that you had children. You will be glad that you are leaving things to them, taught them all that you know and while your poor heart finally gives it up, you can be happy that you did your part well.

Phone sex with my boyfriend

Is phone sex/cyber sex with my boyfriend ok? Phone sex was around for a long time but cyber sex is a new entry. Mostly teenagers ask me these phone sex questions, but lately, not surprisingly, adults are also inquisitive. Advances in technology have made these things more possible and easy, as mobile phones taking the place of cumbersome land phones, offering greater privacy and…you know what!

Anything that helps two people to advance their relationship is acceptable. Like going to a park together, doing shopping together, laughing together, going to a funeral together, etc. What all they should do together or not is a mere personal decision. Only thing is that, these things should help in building up the intimacy and strengthen commitment. Like that if both of you like to have phone sex/ cyber sex, then it is ok as far as both of you don’t feel anything bad about it.

But a word of caution about phone sex. Sometimes men emotionally feel detached for a while after having phone sex/ cyber sex. When he puts down the phone suddenly after having sex, don’t feel dejected. Men are like that. And in some cases, men might take you for granted if you do this together, he might look down at you. Hope you are getting what I am trying to convey! Emotional and mental maturity of the man matters here much.

And please don’t feel sad after doing it. There is nothing wrong if both of you have enough maturity and mutual trust. After all, it is your life, your love and your man!

Shall I leave my boyfriend?

Shall I leave my boyfriend? Almost 4 years ago one of my cousins asked me this “boyfriend” question. She was in her college, could make her own decisions regarding love as she was already 23 at that time. I was far away from home and on a Saturday night I’ve called her. She said she has already broken that relationship. Although it was over, she was not feeling ok. Sad and desperate, she failed in her semester exams and was on the verge of being a drop out. Thankfully, she bounced back soon.

It seems it was a better decision for her to leave her boyfriend. She found the initial sparks missing. So if you are planning to leave your boyfriend, consider these points. You can take a decision according to your answers.

1. Leave your boyfriend if you don’t miss him anymore like you used to do.

This does not mean that you don’t love him. This feeling usually accompanies after the initial period of falling in love. It may mean your relationship has grown into another level, more matured one, where you know he is always there. You have crossed the initial attraction phase and moved into a long term relationship phase. So don’t worry about these types of feelings.

But a word of caution! Not missing him can also be a part of not being interested in him too. If you don’t miss him, weigh it with other points we are going to discuss below. Together, they will help you decide.

2. Leave your boyfriend if your arguments are long lasting and they recur very often.

After the initial thrill is gone, the facts slowly move in. It’s healthy to argue as no two persons can agree on everything. But it is unhealthy when it happens often and lasts long. If your arguments dominate your meetings, then the chances are strong that the relationship will not last long.

3. Leave your boyfriend if you argue over the phone very often

My experience with people suggests that arguing over the phone many times indicate a dead end. You both will feel tired about it and always think not to fight, but as when you are on the phone, it automatically happens.

4. Leave your boyfriend if he is making you spiritually dull

You know what I mean. A relationship should help both of you grow together, emotionally, physically and spiritually. If you feel like he is hindering any of these growth, its time you think about options.

5. Leave your boyfriend if you think he has only sex in his mind.

Men are more sexually active. All women know it. Some men have a bit more drive than others, which is normal. But if you think your boyfriend is after you only for sex, just RUN away. Hope you are getting what I mean. Otherwise you will end up an emotional wreck.

6. Leave your boyfriend if he is cheating on you.

Do I have to tell you more? Give him another chance if you want to, but be respectful of your emotions. Tell him straight. Love forgives, but thy shall not experiment with love.

Please know that people love like a sine wave, up and down, periodically. Our intimate intensities won’t be always same. So think clearly. Ask your heart. It may not be easy. But if you don’t do it now, it will be too long.

My best wishes.