Boyfriend is a friend of my ex

Let him know the truth!

If your current boyfriend knows and is friendly with your ex boyfriend, is that a problem? I think around fifty percent of the entire women folk face this “boyfriend is a friend of my ex” problem at least once in their lifetime. Many of them got really terrified when they came to know that these guys know each other. But please realize that MANY TIMES this is not a big problem, but a menacing one for sure. Only thing is, you have to handle it tactfully.

One good thing to do is that, give a general view of your earlier relationships to your new boyfriend at the beginning of your new affair itself. It should be a brief only, don’t elaborate on those emotional and physical warfare that followed the breakup. Or the problems you and your boyfriend faced in the relationship. This will make him familiar with the names of the people involved. If he things he knows some guys you mentioned, he might or might not cross check. My experience shows that normally men won’t. Even if your boyfriend did, it is good as he got information in the beginning itself and how your boyfriend handles it shows his maturity.

Now comes the sensitive part. Things are almost ok if your new boyfriend only knows your ex boyfriend. But if both are friends, he might not forward the relationship further. This is actually good, because, you cannot judge the depth of his relationship with your ex. But you can be 99% sure that they are not close friends, as if they were, your new boyfriend already knows you as his friend’s ex.

If your boyfriend is a friend of your ex, and if he does not realize that, tell him the truth. Put the ball in his court. Let him decide his love for you. Once he has made up his mind, tell him to be matured enough to handle possible small embarrassments that may happen in the daily life because of this cross connection. Make things clear from your side. When you do like this, your new boyfriend will see how transparent you are and what you want from relations. This will only enrich your new relationship.

When husband is in love with another woman

When your husband is in love with another woman, it is really heart breaking to know. But a word of caution! I have always asked two questions to women who complain about their husband’s extramarital affairs. “How did they come to know about it?” is the first one among those. First of all, it is very important to check the validity of the information by yourself. I have seen false information and misunderstandings break some very beautiful relations. So before taking any emotional action, please ask these two important questions to yourself, like

1. How did you know about this extramarital relationship?

Who told you this? Is the person gave you this information is reliable? Trusted? If the person is reliable, try to get some evidences. Validate things by yourself. Take all the information but only believe things by YOURSELF.

2. Are you sure your evidences REALLY prove an affair?

May be they are just good friends. But thankfully lovers do many “things” together that friends don’t. Look for the signs.

If you are positive about the existence of an extramarital affair please don’t panic. I know it is a very sad situation as it questions many of the fundamental equations of a relationship, but an outburst will not help. Know that you have your emotional rights as a wife and a mother. Use them properly to wing back the situation.

1. First talk to your husband. Tell him that you know what is going on. If he denies it, as many will, tell him firmly that you love him and wish to help him out of this weird situation and to do that you need his help. Make him understand that you are very sad because of his affair and cannot tolerate it, but can forgive and forget- only if he cooperates with you.

2. If that does not help, talk to his new found girlfriend. I have seen women already carry guilt while in relation with a married man, and nobody likes a confrontation with a wife and a mother. Tell her not to break your family and you need her help in bringing him back to you.

Many times you have to take these steps simultaneously. Use your judgment and BE FIRM. But also analyze your relationship with your husband. Is anything missing from your part? Are you doing your duties satisfyingly as a wife and a lover? It would be helpful if you are critical about your own attitudes and contributions, as a bad wife or lover is the best known catalyst promoting an extramarital affair.

When your Boyfriend avoids your love

I think it is worthwhile to remind ourselves once in a while that love is a chemical reaction happening in the brain. What you feel for your boyfriend or you for him, which is divinely called as love by some, if not kept alive by trust, sharing and passion will fade in time. It is a fact that due to many reasons love affairs fail, relationships break and people go different ways.

Love is a connection. It is a connection that strengthens with consideration and responses after the initial attraction. But for many, attraction dies after a while. It is not personal, so don’t take it personal. Your boyfriend shows alienation because he wants to move away. Accept it. You cannot buy love with tears or accusations.

All relations are not meant to be long lasting; even some good ones will/should break. It is not how great you think your relationship is that counts, but are you both compatible together or not. If not, even good relationships fail.

When a relationship ends or when he is drifting away from you, don’t try to get answers. There are no answers for many “hearty” questions. You will circle in a loop. Take your time, it’s hard, all women know it. But come back soon.

As I said earlier, don’t take it personal. Know that even Marilyn Monroe was ditched/ rejected thrice.

When ex boyfriend has your love letters

When you breakup with your boyfriend, make sure that you get all your love letters back. Don’t feel bad about it, ask them back! If you don’t do it then, later it may be a menace. You might feel like asking to give your letters back is distrusting him and might add up more pain to both already grieving hearts. Don’t trust your feelings, just get those letters back.

After the breakup, I have seen men trying to cajole girls/women back into the relationship. They beg and plead. When these don’t seem to work, many threaten to make those private, intimate love letters public. Don’t give your boyfriend this chance. Get letters back when hearts and relationship are still warm.

And regarding emails, they are less harmful. But I would suggest you open a specific mail ID for these romantic purposes. Like if you are Janet, try jalove67@msn.com or something like that. And don’t send any mail to someone other than your boyfriend from this ID.

If he is not willing to give your letters back, keep on insisting. Don’t believe him if he says he has destroyed them or want to keep them for memories. And as long as possible, don’t involve his parents, friends or your friends, as it might back fire.

But remember one thing, even if he does not give it back, life moves on. After a while he will lose interest in you as another girl comes in his life or as time passes by, then he will destroy them. And if life was that affected by these stupid things boys do, half of our entire women population should have been worried to death. Clearly, as you can see that this is not the case, just carry on. There is nothing much to worry about.

Why does my husband/boyfriend watch porn?

Calculus sucks, tortoises live long and men watch porn. These are universal truths. If your boyfriend/husband is young, chances are there that he will watch it more often. It is better that women adjust to it, rather than trying to change that. Many women I know do not care about this anymore, as they know it is not because boyfriends don’t lust them, it is only because men just want to have some more stimuli. Men want to ogle at feminine body. That’s all. Don’t take it personally. He still loves you and gets excited by you. You still make his world. By watching porn, he is just taking an outside help to color this world. Period.

Falling in love with a married man

Falling in love with a married/committed man is the greatest risk a woman/girl can take in her personal life. Thankfully all women know it by instinct, but not surprisingly many fall for it. It would be helpful to consider these points given before you take a giant but irreversible leap.

1. Is he a committed husband to someone, but accidentally, by situation became your lover?

This is a dead end. He will sure go back to his wife. Help him to do so. Control your emotions and ease his burden. Otherwise one day, you will be in such a messy situation that you won’t even recognize yourself.

2. He is a husband, but he is going to divorce soon.

Are you sure? All men say that and only around 7% does. So it is safe to continue relation only after his divorce. It’s not about you don’t believe in him, it all about saving your life. And is he divorcing her only because you came into his life? Beware; tomorrow the same will happen to you as someone else comes into his life.

3. We won’t marry, we will remain as lovers without our partners knowing it.

My personal opinion is that affairs and corpses cannot be hidden for a long time. Ask a policeman, I am sure he will agree with me. Even if you are successful in hiding it, you will be always tensed and sad in this relationship. And believe me, in the end, more fingers will be pointed at you than at him.

A relationship exists because of mutual trust, truthfulness and commitment. In these kinds of extramarital affairs you won’t get any of these. If you are attracted to a married man, avoid even talking to him. Give yourself some time. I promise it will go away.

And one more word, if you are a teenager, the risks are too high. JUST BEWARE!

Gloria Gaynor & I will Survive…

I think you all know Gloria Gaynor, the famous singer. Then you know her all time hit song “I Will Survive” too. In this song the narrator speaks about the aftermath of a break up and how she survives it. It is a great song; Rolling Stones has included this as one of the 500 greatest songs ever. Just follow this link to know more. Please go through the lyrics of the song below. I think every woman should read this.

I will survive: Gloria Gaynor

First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
and so you’re back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you’d be back to bother me

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
’cause you’re not welcome anymore
weren’t you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I’d crumble
you think I’d lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I’ve got all my life to live
I’ve got all my love to give
and I’ll survive
I will survive

It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I’m not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I’m saving all my loving
for someone who’s loving me

God, are you listening?

Do you believe in God? If you do, then do you pray to God? Do you think prayers help?

Am no guru, neither a person divinely qualified to answer these questions. But many women have asked me these Godly questions and I wish to answer them in a professional level.

Let me speak from my experiences with people. I have seen people getting greater comfort in God, which was so effective that in many cases it helped them gaining back their sanity. Leaning on to something bigger than ourselves help us through our troubled times very effectively. If you believe in God, trust him fully in your hardships. It will help you mentally in more ways you can imagine. I have seen people who have faith in God, who pray regularly, bounce back into life very fast compared to non believers.

When you pray, you open up your heart to someone without suppressing your feelings. That is very rejuvenating from the psychological point of view. In that way prayers do help. Try it. It will soothe your everyday life.

Now I think I can be a bit personal. I believe in God. Prayer has helped me through my troubled times. It worked well for me. I just wanted to let you know this.

Shall I leave my boyfriend?

Shall I leave my boyfriend? Almost 4 years ago one of my cousins asked me this “boyfriend” question. She was in her college, could make her own decisions regarding love as she was already 23 at that time. I was far away from home and on a Saturday night I’ve called her. She said she has already broken that relationship. Although it was over, she was not feeling ok. Sad and desperate, she failed in her semester exams and was on the verge of being a drop out. Thankfully, she bounced back soon.

It seems it was a better decision for her to leave her boyfriend. She found the initial sparks missing. So if you are planning to leave your boyfriend, consider these points. You can take a decision according to your answers.

1. Leave your boyfriend if you don’t miss him anymore like you used to do.

This does not mean that you don’t love him. This feeling usually accompanies after the initial period of falling in love. It may mean your relationship has grown into another level, more matured one, where you know he is always there. You have crossed the initial attraction phase and moved into a long term relationship phase. So don’t worry about these types of feelings.

But a word of caution! Not missing him can also be a part of not being interested in him too. If you don’t miss him, weigh it with other points we are going to discuss below. Together, they will help you decide.

2. Leave your boyfriend if your arguments are long lasting and they recur very often.

After the initial thrill is gone, the facts slowly move in. It’s healthy to argue as no two persons can agree on everything. But it is unhealthy when it happens often and lasts long. If your arguments dominate your meetings, then the chances are strong that the relationship will not last long.

3. Leave your boyfriend if you argue over the phone very often

My experience with people suggests that arguing over the phone many times indicate a dead end. You both will feel tired about it and always think not to fight, but as when you are on the phone, it automatically happens.

4. Leave your boyfriend if he is making you spiritually dull

You know what I mean. A relationship should help both of you grow together, emotionally, physically and spiritually. If you feel like he is hindering any of these growth, its time you think about options.

5. Leave your boyfriend if you think he has only sex in his mind.

Men are more sexually active. All women know it. Some men have a bit more drive than others, which is normal. But if you think your boyfriend is after you only for sex, just RUN away. Hope you are getting what I mean. Otherwise you will end up an emotional wreck.

6. Leave your boyfriend if he is cheating on you.

Do I have to tell you more? Give him another chance if you want to, but be respectful of your emotions. Tell him straight. Love forgives, but thy shall not experiment with love.

Please know that people love like a sine wave, up and down, periodically. Our intimate intensities won’t be always same. So think clearly. Ask your heart. It may not be easy. But if you don’t do it now, it will be too long.

My best wishes.